Hello 2009!

January 1, 2009 - Leave a Response


2008 is over and another year has just begun!

The last year was, in some ways, the most difficult, and in some ways the most wonderful year so far in my life. I learned to finally let go of the notion that I can change anyone other than myself, a painful realization for someone like me, who really wants to help others find their joy. On the other hand, I learned that I can choose a happy family and friends, my own happiness, and my own well being! How beautiful a lesson to learn, and how much richer my life will be for it!

Now on to the new years resolutions!

I will:
Lose ten pounds
Create and stick to a schedule
Blog at least twice a week
Get more involved in my community.

Those things are within reach, reasonable, and throughly wonderful resolutions.

What about you? Any resolutions?

Health Care Reform

December 11, 2008 - Leave a Response

Presi​dent-​elect​ Obama​ has made it clear​ that healt​h care refor​m is one of his top prior​ities​.​ That’​s why the Obama​-​Biden​ Trans​ition​ is askin​g peopl​e to give their​ own thoug​hts and ideas​ for how to fix the syste​m at Healt​h Care Commu​nity Discu​ssion​s all acros​s the count​ry.​

I just signe​d up to host a Commu​nity Discu​ssion​,​ and I thoug​ht you might​ want to come.​ Here are the detai​ls:​

Date and time:​ Decem​ber 20th at 11:​00 am
Locat​ion:​920 NW Kearn​ey St. Portl​and Orego​n

There​ will be a space​ for the kids,​ and a paren​t volun​teer to watch​ them!​ 
Pleas​e RSVP as a comment or to my email!

After​,​ we’​re going​ to go carol​ing with the Centr​al Portl​and Famil​ies at 3:​30,​ and you’​re welco​me to join us!

Hope you can make it!

My Life

November 28, 2008 - Leave a Response


My life has changed so much since Andor was born.

This has been the best year of my life.

I’m happy and fulfilled and greatful.

Thanks to all my friends and family for your love.


November 18, 2008 - Leave a Response


I am grateful for all the little moments that we have.
The little smiles, the kisses, the excitement, the dancing…

I live in your moment, with you.
Every little discovery you make I make with you.
Every cuddle you give I feel way down in my toes.
Every little sleep smile, and every little wave…

I am grateful.

My Birthday Dinner

November 14, 2008 - Leave a Response


George took me and the girls (Ocia and Abra) out to dinner for my birthday. We went to Lorenzo’s at 3807 N. Mississippi Avenue of course. I can’t help myself, it’s so good.

Go and eat, really.
If you’ve been before go again.  There have been some really nice changes made to the front of the house.

Go now.



Got Advice?

November 1, 2008 - 3 Responses



Relax, I’m not pregnant again.

Many of you have asked for me to pass along some baby information, so here it is.

Books, articles, and videos about birth, babies, and being parents:


The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon-Rosegg
Hypnobirthing by Marie F. Mongan
The Baby Book by William Sears


Touch and Human Sexuality by Robert W. Hatfield, Ph.D.
Parenting from the Inside Out by by Daniel Siegel

The Business of Being Born a video 

Before you get pregnant, figure out how to stay home for the first few years of his or her life.  Your baby deserves to be raised by you!

Also, some basic advice.

Use midwives, avoid the medical birth/pregnancy.

Have your baby at home, or have a doula with you at hospital.

Get educated about birth and the process your body goes through.

Eat well, exercise and relax.

Chant .

Avoid frilly baby clothes, they are not practical.

Breast feed and co-sleep, you’ll sleep better and be more relaxed.

Take pictures of your belly growing.

Listen to your intuition, avoid too much intervention.

Get a sling, but wait until the baby is born, he or she will have a preference. I went through many types before I found one that worked.  Touch is paramount, babies belong in arms, not plastic containers.

Once you start showing, ladies will try and share their sometimes scary birth stories with you. Ask them politely to wait until you have your own story to share before they go on. Expecting to be scared and in pain can increase the likeliness of fear and pain.

Relax, your baby is probably fine, obsessing will not help anyone.

But many things second hand, they grow fast!


If any of you have any additional advice please feel free to comment!

It’s taken so long

October 31, 2008 - 2 Responses


It’s taken me ten straight years of work to understand and overcome the traumatic events in my childhood and adolescents. I still work, every day, on remaining relaxed and calm. I have learned that your reality is yours, that your life is as you make it, and that much of everything is all in your head.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have triggers.
I do, it’s my family members.

I have stopped talking to everyone in my family, one by one. I believe them to all be trapped, mired in fear and anger and distrust of everything.

I can’t operate around that mentality, as much as I’d like to think that I might help them see that it’s all in their heads. I can’t. That’s for them to realize.

They will probably never understand why I stopped talking to them.
They will probably go on believing that I am crazy and idealistic.
They will probably continue to believe that it’s the end of the world and that there is nothing that can be done about it.

I used to think that way too.
It’s hard to believe that your life can change, or that you can be happy, when you’ve always felt angry and frustrated. You want to lash out, make ugly faces, and try to make other people feel as badly as you are feeling. Most people don’t want to admit that they made mistakes, or that their parents made mistakes, because that would mean that they would need to re-evaluate their own behavior.

It would mean remembering things that are hard to remember; evaluating those memories objectively, and determining the damage that may have been done.

The next step is even harder.

Changing the mind to believe that things can be fine.
Not everything has to be a battle.
Not everything people say is a lie.
Not all conversations are arguments.
Sometimes help is just help, and not an insult to your ability to do it yourself.

All is well.


(Abra took this photo)

Abra took this

October 25, 2008 - Leave a Response


I have to share this rockin’ pic that Abra took.

She was taking the shot of me taking the shot of myself and Andor.


This is the photo that that I took of Andor and I a split second after Abra took her picture. 


Keep up… will you..

October 23, 2008 - 2 Responses


So many things to catch up on, where will I begin? My shift key was pulled off by my little ninja, which slowed my typing substantially, but then my power cord broke, rendered my computer totally useless, until the replacement arrived; which it did, today.  So, this is going to be a long blog, with hopefully, shorter sentences than that last monster.

Things have settled into a new routine since Andor started waking up earlier. He’s awake at almost exactly the same time every morning, 6:15 or a little later. We get up and go play next door at Sip and Kranz at 7:00. An oatmeal and a coffee later, we come home around 9:00 when he nurses and sleeps for about an hour. It’s lonely there at that time of the day because not many people are out, but we’re too loud to stay at home.

Especially since the teething started.

I noticed that Andor seemed to just be unhappy no matter what was happening. You’d be tickling him and he’d laugh, and then start this crylaugh hybrid of pathetic sadness that breaks your heart. Then he just couldn’t stay by himself for as long, and he’d crawl up my leg more and now it’s dissolved into needing me to hold him and nurse him all day. If I wear him and walk around he stays relaxed, but he seemed to be hurting.

and lo!
what was there today!
a tooth!
no wonder!
Poor tiny baby. Yep. I saw it and felt it. It’s just a little tiny thing coming from the bottom pallet. My little man is getting his little teeth!

Anyhow, I haven’t been able to make it to Isobel’s clubhouse because Andor is asleep at both times of the day that it’s open, he naps at 9 and at 3. Too bad, I enjoy going. I miss talking to the mommies.

What else. My niece isn’t coming after all. I’m disappointed that she isn’t coming, I’m more disappointed that I expected anything else. The only way to survive my family is to expect nothing, that which is true today may not be true tomorrow. The laws governing words are ignored and anything is permitted if it’s couched in a fit.

..because there is no solution, it’s all a battle or too hard, and it’s always the end of the world for the pessimist.

It’ just not my style. I see clearly now why we don’t have the easiest time getting along. I’m an optimist, a get it done, a goal reacher, and a can do. I do, do. I say I will and then I do. I like action. I believe that there is an answer. I confront problems with solutions in mind. I think that we can do anything our minds desire. (p.s. that makes me a nut job, just so you all know).

I know that feeling fear will hurt you and make you feel sick, so I avoid fearing and worrying. Cal once told me that if I was going to try to predict the future, then I ought to at least predict success, rather than failure.  I’ve learned that it is better that way.

So they say the world is going to end, and I say it’s just beginning and our relations are thusly strained and impossible.   It’s impossible, if we’re all trying to be healthy, and honest. Coming to that conclusion is a load off, let me just say. You can only help those that want to be helped, all the rest just get defensive, especially for the pessimist.

Let’s just move on.

What’s next. Well, the fall is here and the colors are so beautiful. I’ve taken a zillion pictures of the leaves, which are so enchanting. Vivid reds, yellows, and oranges, it’s breath taking. I feel so romantic when the cold air goes into the trees and showers down those beautiful leaves onto the lush green grass in the park. So cool.

Did I use thusly?  Do I even know what that means?

Andor is amazing. Besides the tooth, he is crawling and he thinks that crawling up the stairs at the coffee shop is a blast. There is nothing cooler than watching an infant come along. He gets so excited and animated. Its brilliant. I am having the time of my life.  Nothing beats babies.

I’ve got to go pick up and go to sleep.
Thanks for reading.

These moments

October 9, 2008 - One Response

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that my life would change.

These moments say it all.

My love

September 4, 2008 - One Response


I have been busy, It’s true.

I have learned so much about myself in the last six months that to think of writing it all down makes my head spin! I don’t know where to begin!

I’ve found patience that I didn’t know existed.
I’ve found love where I thought that only fear resided.
I know myself.
I know my purpose.
I feel grounded.
I feel strong.
I trust and love myself.
I am sure.
I am sure that I’m sure; anyone that knows me, knows that this is the greatest of my accomplishments.
My love for my son is so great that I cry, because I cannot contain it all.

And now for something completely different ….

My day to day lately has changed dramatically. Abra (my best friend and morning company) has moved in with her fiance in their newly purchased house in Lake Oswego. This leaves my mornings completely best friendless and open. You all know that I have a rough time with change so this one has thrown me for a loop! Either way, I’m trying to figure out what to do with myself in the mornings. I can go to the clubhouse and play from 9:30 to 11:30 on some days, but that’s not a lot of time. I was thinking about starting a mommy group. Something like a discussion, play group thing…

Any Ideas?

Read Parenting from the Inside Out.

I love you all!

A Stomach Virus, Dirty Wood Floors, and a Baby Squirrel

August 21, 2008 - Leave a Response

My sister and I are in the process of getting to know each other. After Andor was born, she decided to come and visit so that we could learn more about each other.

And how.

I won’t tell the whole story because, quite frankly, I don’t want to re-live the whole thing. It was tense for me. I have a lot of unresolved issues surrounding her, my mother, and pretty much all other family from both sides. I wanted for her to relax and enjoy my beloved city.

I didn’t give up the feeling that I had some control over her feelings until a little later than I ought to have, but who’s counting.

Either way the entire trip was blessed by Murphy himself.

She and the girls got the stomach virus and was pretty much sick for the first few days, the condo I got her was impossible, the wood floors were hyper sensitive and had to be kept clean or they would scratch, it was impossible to regulate the heat, the day we visited the tide pools in Newport, was literally one of the worst days of the year to go, the sea life was four feet under and unable to be viewed, the beach was windy and cold, the washing machine and dryer in the condo wrinkled all her clothes, rendering most of her clothes unwearable…etc.

And there really is an etc.

I really felt like every complaint that she had was my fault, of my doing somehow. I felt like I was a miserable hostess, and that…nevermind, that part I need to chew on more.

Either way…the food I made was really good, Cal was an amazing uncle, complete with t-rex claws for the girls, the view from The Civic is awesome, the Japanese Gardens rule, OMSI has a great dinosaur exhibit, the coast is still rainy and cold and beautiful, Andor is amazing, and growing, and I love the day to day again. And we saw a baby squirrel.

Portland is my favorite.
My little family is all that I need.
I am brave and so is my sister.
My best friend is beautiful.
To be continued.