Archive for the ‘Ninja Man’ Category

Good times and so forth
February 7, 2009

This year, so far, has been great. Day by day I get more and more used to being exclusively a mom, and lose a little of the guilt of not being at work everyday. It’s tough when you’ve been made to believe that a person’s worth is merely what they can earn in dollars. I work on it a little every day. Whenever I feel the feeling start to creep up, I look at my beautiful, relaxed, happy son and my clean apartment, and know that I oughtn’t feel even a little guilty.

I chopped my hair, the choice was to perm it again (too expensive) or cut it off. So I cut it. It looks nice. Short hair really looks the best on me anyway. I look fresh and clean and modern once again.

What else. Andor is still a little pea. He’s 28 inches and 18 pounds. A little guy. He comes in at the 17th percentile in height and the 3rd percentile in weight on the World Health Organizations Exclusively Breast Fed Growth Chart. He is meeting and exceeding all of his milestones. He has a few signs already: all done, more, hi, hot, and pointing at what he wants. Pretty darn good for a ten month old 🙂

Cal and I are discussing the size of our apartment. It’s really really small and we are close to outgrowing it. Perhaps we will end up nearer to his work by the end of the year. Beaverton Ahoy! Keep your eyes peeled for me .. ok? Something on the Max line, no more than $600, near Millikan and Murray.  I’m not too thrilled to have to leave my precious pearl, but, size does matter in this case.  We have 6 months of weather that just isn’t fit for a toddler.

Nothing else is really all that new.

More later.

My Life
November 28, 2008


My life has changed so much since Andor was born.

This has been the best year of my life.

I’m happy and fulfilled and greatful.

Thanks to all my friends and family for your love.

November 18, 2008


I am grateful for all the little moments that we have.
The little smiles, the kisses, the excitement, the dancing…

I live in your moment, with you.
Every little discovery you make I make with you.
Every cuddle you give I feel way down in my toes.
Every little sleep smile, and every little wave…

I am grateful.

These moments
October 9, 2008

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that my life would change.

These moments say it all.

June 21, 2008

This is going to be written as long as Andor is resting or occupied. Here goes.

Surgery is behind me. My body is fully functioning and normal. My linea negra is still quite dark and runs the length of my torso and down the back of each leg. My hair is still quite full and hasn’t begin to fall out. My arms are getting stronger every day from holding the baby. I dance and walk and stretch for exercise. I am still hanging on to about fifteen extra pounds, which reminds me to eat healthy and walk.

I’ve settled into a routine that I like. Andor, of course, is the center of my universe right now, so everything hinges on him. He’s so easy going that I can do anything I choose, really. He remains happy, healthy, and even tempered. I enjoy him every minute.

Had I not read so much about attachment parenting, however, I think I would be exhausted, bitter, and half insane.

Andor sleeps with us, I breast feed him on cue, I respond to his cries within seconds, I wear him during the day, and we have been practicing infant potty training. Through this style of parenting I have discovered that each one of his little cries mean something, and he feels confident that I will satisfy his needs. So, he’s relaxed, happy and learning (and so am I).

I fall deeper in love with him and his dad every day.

That’s all the time I have, gotta run and play with a tiny baby.

My baby, my man, my friends, and me.
May 17, 2008

My baby, my man, my friends, and me.

In the very little time that I have right now I will tell you that I full and happy with life.

I am rich in relationships.
I am surrounded by love.

I am satisfied with the food.

I am content. I am beautiful. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am charmed. I am wise. I am healthy. I am fortunate. I am greatful. I am patient. I am lusty.

I am happy.

So far
May 3, 2008

So far I love being a mother. It’s beautiful. It’s an experience that I am so very glad to be having. Yesterday we all (Andor, Abra, Myself and Cyan) lounged about and played under the sun at Jamison Square. We talked to the other mommies, and met other children and infants. It was one of the most relaxed and happy afternoons that I have had since I got pregnant. I look forward to this summer being full of the same sun bathing and socializing.

I’m fortunate to live in such a lovely neighborhood. There are so many very cool families that live in this area. Mommies that hail from India, Thailand, Japan, the Ukraine, Italy and Germany live in the Pearl and hang out by the fountain! I couldn’t be happier, and Andor, who gets cooed at and petted by these ladies, thinks that life is relaxed and happy, and full of different colors and languages, as he should.

I’m glad I love in Portland, no offense Texas.

About my health. The cesarean incision is nearly all healed up in the inside. I ran up the stairs the day before yesterday and noticed that it didn’t hurt at all! Ana (another mommy in the neighborhood) and I and her children (Selena- 6 months and Tyler 3 and a half) went for a stroll down to the docks and back yesterday evening and I didn’t have extra bleeding or soreness! Great news for me because as summer approaches so do long, luxurious walks along the river, and I wouldn’t like to miss those!

And now or something completely different.

I have some projects to do. I want to plant some herbs again for this summer. It was so nice to have fresh basil and parsley for all the yummy farmers market veggies last year. They lasted a long time too! I also want to do a photo project/blog on my teeth. I really want to earn some money to fix my two front teeth, but I need something to help me visualize. Anyone know a dentist that feels like donating to charity? I have the most difficult time smiling with my gray tooth and gap. Last, but not really last, is my belly cast. I need to finish it and hang it. I like it very much and now I need to make it a piece of art instead of an unfinished belly cast that sits on my floor.

Andor needs me. Gotta go.


I Hate the Swing Shift
April 26, 2008

So, Cal works the swing shift, and keeps very different hours than I. Andor and I go to sleep at 10pm while Cal doesn’t lay down until 4am, at the earliest. We are two ships passing in the night! I thought this collage illustrated much of what I feel about this schedule we keep. He’s like a blur of movement, coming or going. I hardly see him at all.

I wish this would change. I want Andor and Cal to have some time together. I want Cal and I to have some time together. The warnings of other mothers resound in my mind, “time will pass so quickly, cherish this time you have together” and I want to scream knowing that Cal gets, maybe, a half hour a day with Andor. It’s sad, I think.

Here’s to times when our schedules mesh better.

April 22, 2008

I am dorked out in love with this kid; now that that’s clear…

It’s been a while since I talked about me, so, I thought I’d give an update. The cesarean incision has nearly healed on the outside. It’s still quite sensitive to the touch, or kick, as Andor reminds me night and day. The inside of me could take a while to get it together so I still have to take it easy. Otherwise I feel fine, physically.

Emotionally, the shock of not having the sort of birth experience I wanted is beginning to ease. I have to admit, it’s tough admitting that I may not have been able to have this baby on my own. I’ll always wonder what if…

Back in reality..

I have this new person that lives with me, and he requires nearly all of my time. I’m beginning to wonder what it was I did before this little man came into our lives. What was I spending all of my time doing? It’s hard to imagine my life without him now.

It’s hard, some days, to even look in the mirror because I just have too many other things to do. I have less time to worry or obsess over myself. It’s refreshing to be free from my own mind for a change. I was never quite comfortable, forever scrutinizing myself..No time for that now.

It’s like I wasn’t living before, I was only waiting to live.

So that’s the update. I am truly, and perfectly happy. I wake up in love, and go to bed in love. Tired, but in love. I am needed and wanted and looked forward to. I have a meaning that is greater than just cook, photographer, friend, or lover. I have more of a purpose.  I have a child, who I love, that is half of me and half of my man, who I love.  That equals a whole lotta love.

More later.

The Nummies
April 13, 2008

The time I spend holding him against my belly and watching him intently, is the sweetest and most tender time that I have ever experienced. It’s so mammalian and natural and strange and lovely.

It is also a great challenge to give up so much of my time to feed him. Throughout the day I don’t get as much done around the house, or for myself. Even getting enough food sometimes is tough. This loss of time is the hardest part.

At the same time, breastfeeding releases oxytocin, a very strong hormone that makes you quite relaxed with breastfeeding. It’s a built in positive feedback system.

Back to the gushy stuff. I love my son. Holy cow I didn’t ever think that I would even say those words rather than experience them. It’s amazing. How I love my little family.


I Stand in Awe
April 9, 2008

I can finally say that life is beginning to get a rhythm again. The last couple of weeks have been a little hectic for all of us. I breastfeed on demand, twenty four hours a day, which puts a serious dent into routine., something I value very highly. Also, learning the language of a brand new baby that needs things from you takes patience, diligence, and wit, all of which can be draining on two hours of sleep at a stretch. This too shall pass. Someday we’ll have a schedule and in the meantime I’m just trying to get a clue.

I took this video today hoping to catch even a portion of the cuteness I am subjected to daily now. I just needed there to be witness to my torture.

Gotta eat, not much time left….

I love you all!

No, I can’t help myself
April 5, 2008

Andor had an appointment with my midwife Susan today. She weighed him in at 8 lb. 6 oz. When we came home from the hospital he weighed 6 lb 8 oz. He’s gained 2 lb 14 oz. Impressive.

We gave him his follow-up PKU test too. It broke my heart that he had to get poked and bleed and cry. I’ve declined all the vaccinations and eye goo because I didn’t like the idea of introducing him to the world with a series of pokes and prods and pricks. No thank you. The PKU however, will tell you if there is any sort of immediate problems, that need immediate attention. An ounce of prevention in a sea of ridiculous vaccines. Meanwhile, i’m in love and I can’t help but take pictures of this perfect little person. I made this.