It’s taken me ten straight years of work to understand and overcome the traumatic events in my childhood and adolescents. I still work, every day, on remaining relaxed and calm. I have learned that your reality is yours, that your life is as you make it, and that much of everything is all in your head.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have triggers.
I do, it’s my family members.
I have stopped talking to everyone in my family, one by one. I believe them to all be trapped, mired in fear and anger and distrust of everything.
I can’t operate around that mentality, as much as I’d like to think that I might help them see that it’s all in their heads. I can’t. That’s for them to realize.
They will probably never understand why I stopped talking to them.
They will probably go on believing that I am crazy and idealistic.
They will probably continue to believe that it’s the end of the world and that there is nothing that can be done about it.
I used to think that way too.
It’s hard to believe that your life can change, or that you can be happy, when you’ve always felt angry and frustrated. You want to lash out, make ugly faces, and try to make other people feel as badly as you are feeling. Most people don’t want to admit that they made mistakes, or that their parents made mistakes, because that would mean that they would need to re-evaluate their own behavior.
It would mean remembering things that are hard to remember; evaluating those memories objectively, and determining the damage that may have been done.
The next step is even harder.
Changing the mind to believe that things can be fine.
Not everything has to be a battle.
Not everything people say is a lie.
Not all conversations are arguments.
Sometimes help is just help, and not an insult to your ability to do it yourself.
All is well.
(Abra took this photo)