I am dorked out in love with this kid; now that that’s clear…
It’s been a while since I talked about me, so, I thought I’d give an update. The cesarean incision has nearly healed on the outside. It’s still quite sensitive to the touch, or kick, as Andor reminds me night and day. The inside of me could take a while to get it together so I still have to take it easy. Otherwise I feel fine, physically.
Emotionally, the shock of not having the sort of birth experience I wanted is beginning to ease. I have to admit, it’s tough admitting that I may not have been able to have this baby on my own. I’ll always wonder what if…
Back in reality..
I have this new person that lives with me, and he requires nearly all of my time. I’m beginning to wonder what it was I did before this little man came into our lives. What was I spending all of my time doing? It’s hard to imagine my life without him now.
It’s hard, some days, to even look in the mirror because I just have too many other things to do. I have less time to worry or obsess over myself. It’s refreshing to be free from my own mind for a change. I was never quite comfortable, forever scrutinizing myself..No time for that now.
It’s like I wasn’t living before, I was only waiting to live.
So that’s the update. I am truly, and perfectly happy. I wake up in love, and go to bed in love. Tired, but in love. I am needed and wanted and looked forward to. I have a meaning that is greater than just cook, photographer, friend, or lover. I have more of a purpose. I have a child, who I love, that is half of me and half of my man, who I love. That equals a whole lotta love.